dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Where is the hickey?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
