I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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