considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
