it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
