they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
