I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
