their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
