He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
