glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
