It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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