No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
