"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
