I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
