I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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