I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
