trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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