Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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