I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
