At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
