note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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