did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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