Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
