I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
