Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
