its not stalking. its research.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
