I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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