There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
