We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
