I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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