I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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