he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
