He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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