She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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