Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
