Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My feet surprised me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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