I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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