hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
