we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Two words: blizzard sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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