Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
