I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We just shotgunned beers for America
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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