I like my sex mixed with concussions.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
