Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize