How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
