Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
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You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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