I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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