Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
