Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
sex in a hospital.. check
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
