he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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