I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
