Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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