You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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