why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
