The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
