I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
