right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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