Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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