I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
