His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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