In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
