i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
