At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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