I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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