And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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