If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
